How much would it take?

This post comes courtesy of a conversation I've had many times with friends, usually occurring around 3 a.m. after about a dozen gin and tonics. Basically, the question is how much would it take for you to do something absolutely horrifying, like hammer a nail through your tongue or listen to an entire Celine Dion CD. So let your imagination run wild and see if you can top some of these:

Going to a Justin Bieber concert (sober): I'm thinking the bidding starts here at around $250, plus the cost of a ticket. There are certainly worst ways to spend a couple of hours, but the combination of awful music and shrieking 13-year girls could result in permanent hearing damage. Better up this to $500, just to be safe.

Eating a raw egg: Potential salmonella poisoning and the inability to probably ever eat eggs again ups the ante a bit here. I'm going $75 for this stunt.

Wearing a pair of your friend's dirty boxers: Depends what kind of friends you run with. Mine? They look like the poster children for crabs and gonorrhea. $100 please.

Eating someone's dirty band-aid (body location unknown): This is a tough one. On one hand, it could have come off someone's hand covering a little cut. On the other, it could have been covering a scab on someone's ass. I think you have to play it safe here - $1,000.

Drink your own pee (8 oz.): First thing in the morning - $250. After a night of drinking Bud heavies - $750.

Watching two grandparents performing oral sex on each other: Clearly on a whole new payment scale. I say if you don't know them, $5K. If they're your grandparents, $100K. Can you imagine how awkward your conversation would be the next time you saw them? "Hey Grandma, is that a milk mustache?" Nasty.

Living in Boston (minimum of one year): Let's see - freezing cold, terrible accents, and three of the most annoying professional franchises in sports (sorry, hockey sucks). I'd need full relocation cost here. Put me down for $60K.

Living in L.A. (minimum of one year): Unlike Boston, the weather out west seems pretty nice. Except when you account for constant smog, mudslides, and potential earthquakes. The traffic is unbearable and the people suck. At least the girls are hot. $30K.

Getting a tattoo on your back that says "I have AIDS", while still single: Tough one here. Nothing like wearing the scarlet letter. Your beach days are pretty much over. And you're pretty much taking a blood test anytime you meet a new girl and they're still going to make you wear a condom. Ouch. I'm thinking seven figures here. $1.2 million.