As a young person, you get a lot of older people hating, claiming you’re “entitled”. I’ll be the first to agree, and say that half my generation deserves a swift kick in the junk for that very reason. But that’s a column for another day. I promise a serious tangent on that one. I’d like to take this time, however, to highlight that there are plenty of older people who fall into that same category. Granted their entitlement comes from a completely different place, but it’s there. Who doesn’t have that guy at work that gets away with whatever the hell he wants, JUST because he started with the company when they were using typewriters? You know who I’m talking about. The guy who drinks in the office like he’s on ‘Mad Men’, but looks more like Peter Griffin than Don Draper. Yeah, buddy! I’d like to dedicate this column to one of the poster-children of this entitled group: Chris Berman.
Chris Berman you say? How do you know he falls into this category? You don’t work at ESPN. I would say you’re right, I don’t. But I watch ESPN, and his entitlement oozes out of the TV. On air he consistently reiterates that he is a horrendous television personality, and in fact should not be on air … but they don’t take him off. But come on, he’s earned that right to ruin Monday Night Football, right? I disagree. I think this type of entitlement is the worst there is. I’ve never met a soul who enjoys his commentary, yet there he is at every high profile event that ESPN covers.
Point blank: his loudness is extremely annoying. I would actually rather listen to the Aflac duck do a highlight than Berman. He used to have this amazing ability to come up with hilariously funny nicknames for athletes. I mean, it was something else … something amazing. There was Ben “Winter” Coates, and “Well-Dressed” Amani Toomer, and …. shit, I think that was all of the good ones. Hasn’t stopped Berman though. He just keeps pumping them out, even though no one is laughing. His nicknames are reaching Flavor-Flav, “Flavor of Love” status. “You’re from New York, aight, Imma call you ‘New York’.” But Berman can’t be stopped. He’s the guy who came up with Ben “Winter” Coates, remember. Nicknames are his thing, and he is entitled to be the nickname guy, regardless of how funny ANYONE else at the network may be.
It bothers me that Berman is filling the seat of a potential talent that people might actually enjoy, solely because he’s been there since ESPN's infancy. (I think you could argue his seat could actually fit two or three potential talents, but that’s beside the point, ha) He’s like a professor with tenure that just mailed it in. He doesn’t give a damn about his students, but goddamnit he was published in the 1974 New England Medical Journal’s February edition! And completely off topic, the man is doing Applebee’s commercials now. I had already refused to eat there since they introduced a $10 steak, but I just DOUBLE-refused to eat there. And my boy Drake Savage pointed out that Berman is also doing Nutri-System ads. Applebee's and Nutri-System? Talk about a conflict of interest. That’s like the Joe Camel doing Nicorette commercials.
As you can tell, I don’t like this man. If you had a chance to see the outtakes from Monday Night Football that were leaked to the internets where Berman WENT OFF and cursed out some staffers (before Disney stepped in and had them obliterated from existence), you know what an ass Berman is. But what you might not have seen was a few minute exchange with a female staffer where Berman inquires about the bottle of wine he sent her for the holidays. Truly skeezy. Berman rubs his belly, as he asks, “Did you think of me while you we’re drinking it?” Which brings me to another point, that’s sexual harassment. I’d characterize Berman as the Barry Bonds of sexual harassment at ESPN. He’s probably the biggest offender, and everyone in the entire world knows he’s doing it, but he never gets busted for it. Steve Phillips and Harold Reynolds though, they get caught. They are the Rafael Palmeiro and Miguel Tejada in this metaphor. I wouldn’t be surprised if Berman was behind the whole peeping on Erin Andrews scandal. You can just tell the guy’s a perv.
In summation though, Berman isn’t the only one out there. There are plenty of people whose early successes, or history have kept them in positions they don’t deserve. Larry King, Joe Paterno, Dane Cook, etc. This entitlement has to end. I truly believe that no matter what the role, it should always be given to the best candidate. You stymie talent otherwise. If ESPN would give a new talent the chance to fill-in for Chris Berman just once, they might realize, as Berman himself would say, “He. Could. Go. All. The. Way.”
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