Pass the Turducken

As someone whose weight has fluctuated over the years more than Oprah during the 80's, I consider myself somewhat of an expert in the area of weight loss and gain for that matter. Most recently I’ve managed to lose about thirty pounds in roughly three months and keep it off for almost a year now; pretty sure that makes me credible. Although over the years I’ve never tried the Atkins, Hollywood, or South Beach diet to lose weight, mostly because I’m not an idiot and realize they don’t work. That being said, I have used every possible means to gain weight, including laziness and beer, two of the most effective I’ve seen, to put on the pounds. If you’re interested in how to become a total fat ass fast, I can blog about that at a later date.

Every late night infomercial wants to show you can shock your abs, uncarb your diet, or literally shit your way to weight loss (Hollywood diet, look it up). But let’s be honest, does any of that really work? Has it ever worked for anyone for more than about six weeks? Sure, you may be able to drop a few pounds quickly, but is it the healthiest thing to do? Probably not, I mean didn’t Dr. Atkins die of a heart attack?

Most of us know that the only way to successfully lose weight for the long term is to change your lifestyle, beginning with a healthy diet and regular exercise. I will never understand why American’s can’t figure this out. Is it our obsession with the likes of Kirstie Alley, Tyra Banks, and Kevin James? I don’t think so, well maybe Kevin James. Have you seen Paul Blart Mall Cop? I read a stat recently that by the year 2020, 87% of the United States could be obese, or something like that, I think. Either way, people are getting fatter every day and it’s just scary. Plain and simple we could save two Obama terms worth of stimulus packages in health care costs if people started taking even a little bit better care of themselves.

I hope each one of you is able to take a look in the mirror this holiday season, on second thought, let’s get started after the first of the year, your moms cooking, amongst other things, is too good, and start planning a better you. Do yourself, your company’s healthcare plan, and for God’s sake your family a favor and take the stairs, pass on dessert, and consider joining a gym this year. Your significant other thanks you, they’re tired of your fat ass taking up their half of the bed.