12 to 18 inches

No, this isn't a post about the size of my penis. That's actually the forecast for today's snow fall in my town. Now if you live in upstate New York, Maine, or Siberia, that type of accumulation is nothing more than a drop in the bucket. Here in the mid-Atlantic, it's a state of emergency. I'm not trying to downplay the power of Mother Nature - we've seen her effects in places like New Orleans and Indonesia. But we've become so accustomed to meteorologists overreacting as a "potential" storm approaches, many of us have become jaded and disregard their "professional"advice of staying off the roads or getting out of town. Likewise, other folks hang on to every word their local weatherman says like it's gospel.

So what's missing in this weatherperson-government-citizen equation? Rules. Take it from someone who has totaled a car trying to drive in a torrential rainstorm, weather is not to be taken lightly. At the same time, there's no need to stock up on groceries like we're headed into a nuclear war. Hungry-Man makes a delicious assortment of all-in-one meals that will easily get you through the weekend. And I understand not everyone works a Mon-Fri, 9 to 5, but if you do have to be on the roads in a storm like this, maybe slow down a bit so you don't cause an accident making it worse on everyone else.

Additionally, if you don't have to be on the roads, then stay off them. Let the experts get them salted and plowed before you make that all important trip to McDonald's. And if you're told to evacuate, then by God, evacuate! If you happen to be one of those good samaritans who plans on shoveling his (or hers) entire town's snow, maybe wait until all of the snow has fallen. There's absolutely no need to hear your neighbor at 7 am grunting and scraping his shovel on the ground. Take a nap, pal.

Finally, when a rain or snow storm comes through, enjoy it. Huh? In this day and age of being constantly connected and always on the go, times like today give you the chance to sleep in, cook a BIG breakfast, play some board games, and catch up on the DVR. If you happen to be one of the idiots who hasn't finished their Christmas shopping yet, tough luck. I just found this great site called Amazon.com that pretty much allows you to buy anything you could possibly want or need.

Now if you'll excuse me I need to speed over to Shoprite to pick up some groceries. I hope those stupid plows don't get in my way.

Postscript: In a stunning development, the weather folks actually nailed this one. In fact, they may have underestimated the snowfall amount. We ended up with 24+ inches in my town, which is coincidentally the same amount of water I will have in my basement once this all melts. In April.

A couple of notes from the aftermath - DO make sure you have plenty of salt on hand to melt the ice. DON'T leave it on the back porch the night before you get two feet of snow. DO try to knock down icicles from your roof before they fall down and hit you in the head. DON'T try throwing a shovel javelin-style towards the second story to do this (unless you want said shovel to end up on your roof).

Finally, DON'T drive around just because you have all-wheel or four-wheel drive, but DO laugh at people who get stuck in a drift driving a coupe.